I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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