you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
