Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Two words: blizzard sex
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
