So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
