ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't trust your balls anymore.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
