I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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