He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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