Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
