the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize