So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
