Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
