then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
