just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Still dying that you shit outside
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize