Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
