so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
