whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
