the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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