You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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