Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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