so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
