Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize