I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
