i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
