yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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