i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
