I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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