Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
