Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Can I color on your dick again?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
