It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
