Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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