I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
