There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have tasted many bathrooms
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
