I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
