If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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