I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
