Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize