i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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