This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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