im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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