Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
