I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
