So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
