is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
