so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
