my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize