Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
