I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
