Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
