I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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