i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
