Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
