Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I will die if light touches me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
