wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
