Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
