Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
