We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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