we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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