I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize