I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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