the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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