It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
