Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Drunk is not a location!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
