bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
