i will never coherently bang her
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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