I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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