I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
