sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
