Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
