i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
