you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize