please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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