I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
