corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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