OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
