I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize