New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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