he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize