he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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