im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
