I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize