Sponge bath it is.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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