My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
